We take two questions from today’s caller, a husband and father whose family means the world to him and his daughter will soon turn 8. 1) How do I deal w/ wanting to be honest about my faith journey with my wife/family 2) how do I empower my daughter in her decision to pursue a career or become a stay-at-home-mom.
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Kristy and Chelsea answer another question on how to stop thinking about the church when you live in an area (like the Jello Belt) with constant reminders, like living in the same town as your ex-boyfriend and seeing him everywhere, the listener asked. You won’t want to miss Chelsea’s insights on cultural iconography and subculture growth.
Chelsea Shields–anthropologist and TED Fellow–and Dr. Money answer an anonymous listener’s question about managing anxiety that he would be disowned. Chelsea has unique insight while answering this question given her own family history coming from a very orthodox family and speaks to how she maintains a healthy relationship with her parents.
One final suggestion that we didn’t get to on the podcast: Last year an LDS Charities video had a father suggesting that if his adult children left the church he would disinherit them. I’m willing to give the church the benefit of the doubt they didn’t catch it when they finalized the video, since the video was about teaching children altruism through example. However, when the clip about disowning was brought to the church’s attention, they immediately took down the entire video. You can keep this fact in your back pocket to help manage anxiety: in a worst case scenario if your loved ones do threaten to disown you can show them through timestamped internet history how the church itself doesn’t support this because they took down a video of a father saying as much–they didn’t want to endorse that man’s views.
In Part 2 Chelsea answers a second anonymous question about how to stop thinking about the church so often when you live in LDS-heavy areas and you see reminders everywhere. Chelsea has spent most of the last 15 years in Utah County and SLC and answers from her cultural anthropological expertise too.
It’s normal to worry that when your family finds out where you’re at in your faith journey, they might think it happened because you were lazy or didn’t study enough when really the opposite is true: you studied church history *in depth*. Understandably, you don’t want them to think you are lazy, or didn’t study enough, or are being led by Satan.
How much, then, do you tell them about what you learned? How much do you risk straining the relationship? Do you try to tell them everything? Join Paul and I as we discuss how to handle this dilemma while preserving relationships, because, as you’ll hear in Paul’s voice, his family means so much to him and he doesn’t want to lose them.
For those that are interesting, as a therapeutic process when he was in the throes of his faith crisis/awakening, Paul chose to write out his thoughts, and you can read them here: www.mormonapologies.com
How do you tell your parents about your change of beliefs in a way that’s respectful and constructive, especially since they live nearby? They’ll know people in your ward, have questions, ask your kids about going to church, so putting them off isn’t a long-term solution. Julie asked that question tonight and you won’t want to miss what we go over together: her backstory, the nuts-and-bolts of when and how to do it, addressing concerns like wanting them not to worry about you and hoping not to hurt them, as well as not putting the kids in the middle of anything. Thank you Julie for bravely coming on!
